Friday, May 29, 2009

I'm Going To Pick A Fight

One of my favorite movie quotes occurs in Braveheart, when William Wallace is asked by his good friend Hamish Campbell where he's going. "I'm going to pick a fight" he says in his thick Scottish accent as he rides off to provoke British Lords into a battle that he inevitably wins.
That, I think, is how we are to approach certain issues in our lives. Rather than be passive and wait for something to happen to us, we are to take charge and do what we think is right, no matter the consequences.
My personal experiences are almost the exact opposite from Wade, as my unwillingness to fight in those same instances have been some of my greatest regrets. Frankly, I didn't really care where I went to college, I just wanted to play baseball. So, I settled for whatever school offered me a chance to play. While I don't look at going to CNC as a bad thing (especially since that's where I met my wife), I have always wondered if I could have played Division I, or gone to a school with a better program. My passivity in trying to get a starting position on the team led me to transfer to a school that I didn't really have to fight for a position, it was mine to lose.
When determining where to go to graduate school, I just went with whatever school would accept me. Thankfully UTK was willing to let me in because I seriously doubt any other school would admit someone with my academic stature (or lack thereof). Once again, I don't look at this as a mistake, but I will forever wonder what could have been. When informed that I would be going into the Army's Ordnance Corps (which at the time I knew nothing about) rather than the Intelligence field I hoped for, I grudgingly accepted without even trying to seek a branch transfer.
Unfortunately, I can list off about a dozen other instances in my life where I just accepted my fate and moved on. My only explanation at the time was that if God wanted me anywhere else, he would've put me there. Man, was I stupid! You see, I was UNWILLING to fight. Rather than try to pursue an opportunity, I sat back hoping and praying that God's will would be in line with my own, when each time he might have been testing me to see if I REALLY wanted it. This pattern of reluctance is partly due to my habitual lack of self-confidence; but each time I was paralyzed by the innate passivity all men inherited from Adam when he failed to take charge of his family and overcome the temptation of Satan in the Garden. To think that man doesn't have to fight for practically EVERYTHING in life is one of the Devil's greatest deceptions.
It's been said that if you don't have to fight for it, then it's not worth having. Maybe that should be your standard for determining what you really want in life. I know that's how I'm trying to live my life now. I'll elaborate more in the next chapter, where the notion of raising the Warrior has resonated with me.

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